“I went through psychotherapy using psychedelics, and this is how it went.”
Vice, Outubro de 2023
Texto: Becky Burgum
The words “ketamine” and “therapy” couldn’t evoke more contrasting images. While one brings to mind fun with friends, escapes from reality, and all sorts of life’s crazy moments, the other speaks to us of a situation that’s anything but fun—one involving a stranger who forces us to confront all the demons we’ve been trying to avoid.
That said, of course, talking about psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy [in this case, ketamine] doesn’t mean walking into a therapy session and taking drugs—it’s much more scientific and specialized than that.
Studies dating back to the 1990s show that ketamine can help treat chronic depression, even if only temporarily. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of undergoing emergency surgery at a hospital—perhaps because you broke a bone or dislocated a joint—you may have already been anesthetized with this drug. But while the psychedelic revolution continues to gain momentum, there are still people who view ketamine simply as a tranquilizer or a recreational drug.
I’ve spent the last nine years of my life going on and off antidepressants and going to therapy. Although I had reached a point where I understood my problems and their tangled roots, I still couldn’t find the key to changing my behavior. I always thought it was impossible to silence the inner voice that criticized everything I did—the one that, as some people know, bullies us simply for breathing. I never had the kind of anxiety that keeps people from leaving the house, or the kind of depression that affects our entire existence, but, to name just a few issues, I suffered from social anxiety, panic attacks, low self-esteem, and a lack of confidence in my abilities (a surprise to many people, it seems).
And then I discovered Awakn, the first clinic for psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy in the United Kingdom. It was founded in Bristol in March 2021 to offer a new approach to addiction treatment. Although it is not the only clinic to offer mental health treatments using ketamine, it is the only one in the UK that combines this medication with an intensive psychotherapy program. And this program isn’t limited to simply replacing antidepressants with ketamine. It involves a four-week therapeutic program that alternates between medication dosing sessions and psychotherapy integration sessions. It isn’t affordable for everyone, but the idea is that it will eventually be incorporated into the national health system.
“In conditions such as depression or addiction, people get stuck in circular thought patterns—about feeling worthless, for example, or about the need to drink alcohol,” says Professor David Nutt, one of the most respected voices in scientific research on psychedelics. “Often, these people know that these thoughts are wrong, but they can’t shake them off, and psychedelics can break those brain patterns.”
[…]
But does it really work as well as everyone says? Because of my history of depression, I was able to access the program.
One thing that was really important to me was feeling more present in my body and in my life throughout the entire process. I had never felt so clear-headed, and, like most people, I had never spent four weeks so intensely focused on understanding myself and improving myself.
I’ve also noticed significant changes: I’m now able to let go of the automatic thought—when I’m interacting with someone—that I’m embarrassing myself. I’m truly able to respect myself more, value myself, and accept my own desires. And then there are the more tangible changes: I’ve managed to stop wearing the exaggerated, fake nails I’d been wearing for decades; I’ve started meditating; I’ve made time again for my old hobbies, like dancing; I no longer smoke e-cigarettes. I feel more spiritual, in a relaxed way. I even like the idea of doing yoga now.
While injecting a medication may seem like a drastic measure, just think of it this way: it’s a very quick and effective solution compared to other forms of therapy or medication. And when compared to the side effects of many antidepressants—in fact, it can be much gentler on our minds.
