Kitty's long road in the fight against depression: "I found my direction in life"

Sadness, loneliness and a lack of purpose in life dominated Kitty's life when she was not yet 30. A Chinese national, it was in Portugal that she managed to take a deep breath - first with the help of psychotherapy and then with a ketamine-assisted treatment.

Kitty (fictitious name) was 24 when she lived in Portugal for the first time. Her return to China was made difficult by the pandemic. The isolation imposed and the difficulty in establishing a dialog with her closest family were the triggers that accentuated a depression that was already there.

A sense of loneliness came over Kitty, who felt despised by her own family. "My depression was already there, but everything that happened then really brought me down. But nobody cared. My father had tried to kill himself, so my mother just didn't care about me. I became very ill, but nobody cared about what I was feeling."

The return to Portugal worked as an escape. An unhealthy love affair was the last straw. Kitty found herself frightened, vulnerable and with serious difficulties in pursuing her academic projects. After six months of being monitored by a psychiatrist from The Clinic of Change, she was suggested ketamine-assisted treatment.

"At the clinic, they're very strict, they have rules. I went to therapy for six months and, until I felt I was ready, my psychiatrist never talked to me about treatment, never tried to persuade me to do it. I really respect the professionals who worked with me. They changed my life."

The results, he explains, were not immediate with the first session. Instead, the changes happened gradually. Throughout the process, she had some remarkable experiences. Some brought her closer to God, who appeared to her as a welcoming and soothing entity, while others took her momentarily back to primitive and early states of her own life, namely in her mother's womb, which brought her new meaning.

In one of the most transformative sessions of psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, she realized that her relationship with her mother was one of the key points to work on. "I think my problems with relationships are due to the fact that I miss her. I needed to hold her, but it's too hard, she's too far away." The experience, however, has helped her deal with the effects of geographical distance and separation from her family.

Gradually, Kitty regained her purpose and her vague view of the future gave way to concrete goals. "I found my direction in life and that was very important to me. Now I feel like I have a mission."

It's been eight months since Kitty finished her treatment. Back in psychotherapy sessions, she has no doubt that her life has changed: "[The treatment] helped me find meaning in my life."

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