Kitty’s long journey in the fight against depression: “I’ve found my purpose in life”

Sadness, loneliness, and a lack of purpose in life dominated Kitty’s life when she was not yet 30. A Chinese national, it was in Portugal that she was finally able to catch her breath—first with the help of psychotherapy and then with ketamine-assisted treatment.

Kitty (not her real name) was 24 when she lived in Portugal for the first time. Her return to China was complicated by the pandemic. The imposed isolation and the difficulty she had in communicating with her immediate family were the triggers that exacerbated a depression she was already experiencing.

A feeling of loneliness overwhelmed Kitty, who felt rejected by her own family. “My depression was already there, but everything that happened at that time really dragged me down. But nobody cared. My father had tried to kill himself, so my mother simply didn’t care about me. I got very sick, but nobody was concerned about how I was feeling.”

Returning to Portugal served as an escape. An unhealthy romantic relationship was the last straw. Kitty found herself frightened, vulnerable, and struggling to continue her academic projects. After six months of seeing a psychiatrist at The Clinic of Change, she was recommended ketamine-assisted treatment.

“At the clinic, they’re very strict—they have rules. I went to therapy for six months, and until I felt I was ready, my psychiatrist never mentioned treatment to me—he never tried to persuade me to do it. I have immense respect for the professionals who treated me. They changed my life.”

The results, he explains, weren't immediate after the first session. Instead, the changes took place gradually. Throughout the process, she had profound experiences. Some brought her closer to God, who appeared to her as a welcoming and soothing presence; in others, she momentarily returned to primitive and early stages of her own life—specifically, to her mother’s womb—which gave her a new sense of meaning.

In one of the most transformative sessions of psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, she realized that her relationship with her mother was one of the key issues she needed to work on. “I think my relationship problems stem from the fact that I miss her. I needed to hug her, but it’s too hard—she’s too far away.” The experience, however, helped her cope with the effects of geographical distance and separation from her family.

Gradually, Kitty regained her sense of purpose, and her vague outlook on the future gave way to concrete goals. “I found my direction in life, and that was very important to me. Now, I feel like I have a mission.”

It has been eight months since Kitty finished treatment. Now that she’s back in psychotherapy sessions, she has no doubt that her life has changed. “[The treatment] helped me find meaning in my life.”

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