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Carla: "It's Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy that's going to save me. And it did."

Carla was already tired of the anxiety and depression that wouldn't let her go. There were too many crashes, too many medications, too many years of living in a numb state and eating to compensate for her emotions... now she has tried The Clinic of Change's Psychedelic-Assisted Psychotherapy program and feels that her life has changed overnight. "Right now, I wake up every morning and all I say is: let's live." And even better, she feels that the treatment has left her with tools that will stay with her forever.
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geral@theclinicofchange.com

Read Carla's full testimony about her experience with Psychedelic-Assisted Psychotherapy:

I was so tired. Quite frankly, I was very tired, because every year I had situations of anxiety and depression. I always had anxiety, sometimes more controlled, sometimes more uncontrolled. But this last episode was an episode... I was on sick leave for six months, it was very complicated, it was very difficult to get out of that rut, so I decided to try it.

I gave myself over to this [Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy] treatment and it was the best thing I ever did. Because it really feels like my life has turned around overnight. It's been fantastic, it's really been fantastic.

At the moment, what I talk about in terms of treatment is the positive things and not what brought me here, because what brought me here now no longer exists, fortunately.

It was a huge commitment on my part. And when I came for my first treatment, I had completely stopped taking benzodiazepines. And I did the first treatment and in the second week I stopped the sleeping medication. And then I stopped morphine, I stopped pain pills, chronic pain medication, I stopped everything. At the moment I take nothing, zero.

She had already done everything to deal with her anxiety and depression. "This is what's going to save me. And it did, and it really did."

I speak for myself, I've given everything to this. I really thought: I've done everything and it hasn't worked, this has to work. I think that's also very important. Our head, our will. Yes, the treatment is effective. Now, when we're willing and give ourselves over to the whole thing, and say: yes, this is what's going to save me, so to speak. And it did, and it really did.

I'm a very epic person, I'm a person of many stories, and I think that all of us, all of us and everyone who has had the treatment, has had their journey. Now, what I did, what I made myself available to do, even in my circles, in my meditations I also did, was, at the end of each journey, I wrote everything down. Because at the time it was all very lucid, but there was so much.

It went on like that, but I changed scenery. My journeys were: scenery, scenery, scenery. I was a flower, I was the sun, in other words, it was... but it all had a logic to it, in line with the intention I brought to that treatment.

I remember that the feeling I had was: I saw myself in a tunnel, as if I were on a train at high speed, and the lights in the windows went by very quickly. Then I got out and went to a very green field, like a mountain, and the first thing I saw was a moose. But a beautiful animal. A moose, and it accompanied me the whole journey, the whole journey.

On that trip I was in Egypt, I was in an Egyptian caravan, I was a flower and I saw the drops of water falling on the irrigation... then everything had its own meaning.

Ketamine and controlling emotions "on the first trip"

I told the doctor now at the last follow up: it was immediate, yes, we had results. I had immediate results, but also in the long term, because at the moment, even though I've finished the therapy, I'm left with a lot of tools.

My emotion was very much food. I was very emotional, and so when I had those daydreams, so to speak, or was out of sorts, I ate a lot. In the first week I lost six kilos. That's because I started controlling my emotions on the very first trip.

I started to control my emotions, and when I started to control my emotions I also unconsciously controlled my desire to eat. It seemed that food repulsed me, because my body didn't need all that food. In other words, I only ate and only ate what I really needed and when I really needed it. And right away I saw a huge difference.

During those four sessions [of ketamine] I did nothing but internalize, and write down and see what was really going on. In other words, it was really serious. It was really serious. I can say that I think it was one of the most serious things I've ever done and I took it from beginning, middle and end.

I never finished anything, I left everything half-finished. I never finished. And it was a victory for me in that sense. In many other ways, but even in that sense, because it was fantastic.

I still talk about it today and... it's because I look at my life and my life has changed. I'm talking here now, but I feel it, don't I? And when I talk about it, and when I say that the treatment has completely changed my life, it really has.

"Everything I learned in this Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy program walks with me every day."

I didn't leave anxious Carla behind. What I did was look after Carla with anxiety. I treated her with a lot of love, seeing - and this is what treatment is all about - where she was and what led me to relapse, what were the situations that led me to have anxiety attacks, identifying them.

I think that's why I'm the way I am at the moment. Because I identified what was causing me to have all those behaviors and situations. I identified it and treated it.

That's what the treatment did. Helping me to open the curtain and peek through, slowly, without fear.

Now I have to carry all these tools that I've brought from the treatments, it's like a bag. I always have everything in here. A slingshot... my defense mechanisms. Everything I've learned in these treatments is with me every day from the moment I get up until the moment I go to bed.

That's what I learned from the doctor in psychotherapy: things are always there, life is not a rainbow. We can be the rainbow and have a shield. When life brings us all those things, we have defense mechanisms here to deal with them, to resolve them and not to turn a blind eye or turn away, because then it snowballs.

I don't even think it has a balance sheet. It just is. That's it. Right now, it just is. Right now, I look at it, I wake up every morning and I just say: let's live. Let's live. Because I've been asleep for a long time. Now it's time to live.

Live one minute at a time, one day at a time, as if it were your last. Because that's the way it is, that's what life is all about. We only have one, and that's very ugly. And I deserve this, I deserve it.

[The Clinic of Change would like to thank Carla for her courage in sharing her story and for her generosity in helping others to seek help].

 

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