Keise: "I wasn't just half cured or slightly cured. I was really cured of depression."

In the worst phase of her depression, Keise attempted suicide four times. Then, moved by her son's pleas, she decided to look for a solution. She found in The Clinic of Change's Psychedelic-Assisted Psychotherapy program what brought her "back to life". She now thinks that everyone with depression should have this treatment, which she considers "a miracle". She still gets emotional when she talks about it, because she remembers how she was and where she finally got to: "I wasn't just half cured or slightly cured. I really was cured of depression. My experience was really emotional."

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Read Keise's full testimony about her experience with Psychedelic-Assisted Psychotherapy:

I was very much alive in my teens. Very lively indeed. I liked being with my friends a lot, going out, partying a lot. My mother complained a lot, you know? You only live on the street, girl, you have to stop at home.

I was always with lots of friends, always surrounded by lots of people. I loved them. And depression took that away from me. But it took it away drastically, like... it took it away. It made me feel trapped, without anyone and just wanting to die, really.

I became more depressed after I had my son. But even then I still couldn't stay in bed and stuff, because I had to fight to raise him.

"A year ago I fell badly into depression. I wouldn't get out of bed and I had four episodes of attempted suicide."

I started intensive treatment in Brazil, really intensive, because I was already in a very bad state, and I came to Portugal to try to change my life and see how I got on, everything. And when I got here, at first it was very difficult, being a foreigner, everything, working too much, and that really brought me down.

Over the last year, I've fallen more and more into depression than ever before. I've had days when I stayed in bed, but it was always two or three days. Except when I had episodes of suicide, I'd stay for a week, two. Because I've had four episodes.

It only got worse as I didn't get up. Then I didn't shower anymore, I didn't talk to anyone, not even my family. Only those who were very close to me, which was my son, could go into the room and come out. I had anxiety attacks, I cried a lot, so it was a really difficult year. A situation I've never been in. In fact, I felt really dead, dead.

But my body got sick too. My nose started bleeding, my heart was racing, I went to the hospital, I got anemia. I underwent a battery of tests, a lot, a lot, a lot. They never actually found out what it was, but I knew it was depression.

"I still get emotional... It's happiness. Because I remember how I was and how I am today. It's like a miracle."

My son, who had never seen me like this, said: Mom, I'll do anything to get you up, because I don't know what else to do. And that really moved me. I said: God, help me.

I started looking around a lot, a lot, a lot. My therapist in Brazil told me about this treatment. I came for the treatment. And when I got here I was in such a bad way, I couldn't even speak, I was so bad. And... sometimes I get emotional, you know? Because it wasn't sadness. It's happiness. Because I remember how I was and I remember how I am today. It's unbelievable.

It's like a miracle. Only those who experience it can know. Because I would go back to my childhood and I would see myself there, going through things that I went through, and that many things I didn't even remember anymore. And that I saw again. But the good thing about it was that I could get out. And then afterwards I imagined that I was stuck there, because every time I left I felt good, as if I had left it behind.

The second time I did it, I already left here and wanted to go to a restaurant to eat, I already wanted to go to my niece's house in the Algarve for a walk, I was already laughing. But it was impossible to believe. But I was feeling it, that's what I was feeling, because depression is a lot of feeling. You lose your taste for things. So the stuff inside me came out.

"I wasn't half cured or slightly cured. I was really cured of depression."

And then I was cured. But I wasn't half cured, a little cured. I was cured. It's very difficult for people to believe that depression can be cured or that it can be cured, but it really can be cured. Because I really was cured. And everything afterwards... I was able to do my things as if... it's hard to explain, but I was able to do things as if I'd never had depression.

When I came back, when I started getting ready again, things, I'd arrive... for example, I arrived at the salon laughing, joking, like, ah, Keise is back, because nobody believed it, because I was gradually withering away. But I came back happy, laughing, joking, like, I'm back.

I'd been stuck there for a long time, and all the bad feelings were gone. All of them, all of them, all of them. Only I still thought it would be a while, oh, it's just a period of time and then it's back. No. It's not a while.

I can deal with my feelings better these days, as if I'd learned. It didn't take sessions for me to learn how to cope, but I did learn how to cope. Not least because I don't feel bad, so when I have a problem I'm not so distressed and so dead that I despair more and that makes me worse. On the contrary. I can deal with it without putting it inside me. It's artificial, it's just a problem, let's solve it and get on with life. That's not what I used to do. I used to get too caught up in it and that made me more depressed.

"Psychedelic-Assisted Psychotherapy is a very simple treatment that brings you back to life. I want to tell everyone about it."

It's the best experience of my life. And if I could, I'd really like to take it away, show it, tell people about it, because people are still very afraid. But Psychedelic-Assisted Psychotherapy is a very simple treatment, it's not invasive at all, it's not like you feel pain. No. It's a very simple thing that brings you back to life. You come back to life. You really come back to life. Things that many years ago I couldn't do... for example, I couldn't swim in the pool.

Because for someone who's depressed, that's a lot... not being able to take a dip in the pool, not being able to sit down and have a good chat, smile with people. And nowadays I do that naturally, you know?

Sometimes I read that artists are saying they're depressed, of artists, I say: oh, if I could only get through to him and tell him about this treatment, oh, if I could only tell him here. I'm like, you know? I want to tell him. Go and do it, it'll cure you.

I think everyone who has depression or anxiety should be treated with ketamine [or ketamine]. I don't just think so. I'm sure of it. I'm absolutely sure. It's the best treatment to cure people. My experience was very moving, very moving.

It's like being born again, from your mother, and you come back to life, you know? You come back to life with stronger emotions. I think I still came out of it a little stronger. Not a little. I came out much stronger than those bad things that you keep in your head all the time, all the time, all the time.

I remembered a lot of the parts when I was younger, it always came, it distressed me, I was crying, I was unwell. And it wouldn't come out, and I didn't know what to do to make it come out. Until it did.

[The Clinic of Change would like to thank Keise for her courage in sharing her story and for her generosity in helping others to seek help].

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